Friday, February 14, 2014

All You Single Ladies!

I don't discriminate against holidays. I know companies like Hallmark, Smarties, and Dove will make millions of dollars off of today. I am happy for them.

As a little girl, I loved decorating my shoe box with grandmotheresque doilies, fairy glitter, and Lisa Frank stickers (she was awesome, right?!). And I especially loved standing in the aisles at Wal-Mart, trying hard to pick the perfect Valentine's Day cards to give each of my classmates, debating which one to give the cute boy(s) and the best friend(s).

Those were the days.

It's all fun and games until you get older and suddenly realize Valentine's Day is about more than doilies and crushes. It's about whether or not you are loved.

And that is my beef with V-Day. Single women don't need a reminder that they are... well, single.

While cleaning up my son's favorite hobby this morning (unrolling toilet paper all over the house), I got to thinking. I remembered each Valentine's Day, starting in high school, when I was single, painfully aware that I was missing out on something grand. I felt less than to the girls who paraded their tacky balloons and scented fake flowers around campus.

YES, I was bitter.

But, I was also hopeful. Hopeful that one day, I, too, would be loved.

Today, I celebrate my fourth holiday of being "loved." This a.m., I got roses & chocolate & tonight I'll go on a date.

Precious, I know ;)

While it is nice to have someone by your side, my greatest wish for today is that my single friends wouldn't be sad, or jealous, bitter, or even despairingly hopeful.

I, single friends, will let you in on a little secret.

In marriage, men do not make you feel complete. Sometimes, they don't even make you feel very loved, valued, or appreciated.

And they sure as hell don't wake up every morning and cook you breakfast and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. ;)

Sometimes, on occasion, they will do all those things and make you feel all those things, but most of the time,  they are just plain human.

Love is a choice. Relationships are work. 

Yes, they are also lovely. 

Yes, I wouldn't trade marriage in for being single, but I also hope, single women, you would not trade singledom in for marriage before your time.

It's about being happy with the season God has you in right NOW. 

I know single women dream about meeting their husbands. They dream about the holidays together, blissfully aware that they are no longer alone. They dream about their husbands bringing fulfillment to their life, completeness.

It's all a lie, women! It's a terrible, terrible lie!

You are loved. You are loved NOW.

I wished I'd realized that back then, too.

Your worth and value are not in a man, or  in relationships you do, or do not, have. And if you aren't happy now, with who you are as a single woman, how do you EVER suppose you'll be happy with a man?

Today, CELEBRATE your singledom. Celebrate the freedom it brings you. Celebrate that you do NOT need a man's love to make you feel complete.

You choose whether or not to feel loved. And you are loved, whether or not you choose to see it.

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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Life W/O Snow & Still Staying Indoors

It's blustering cold outside, which means it's partly cloudy in the 60's. HA. I hardly wanted to teach my stroller fitness class (yes, that's a thing) this morning because I was way. too. cold. Ezra and I spent the day lazily inside, enjoying my sister's sweet company and working on projects. 

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Monday, February 3, 2014

When are you having a (nother) Baby?: Oddly Annoying Questions We Can't Help Asking

Tonight, while celebrating my father-in-law's 60th birthday, my husband's childhood friend leaned over to me and asked, "So, tell me, are you getting the infamous question all the time?"

I look at him & laugh- I know where he's going with this...

"Everyone asks us when we are having number two," he says, watching his 2.5 year old scamper off to play. 

No sooner had we started the conversation of baby number two, then I heard my name called out by Steven's uncle's & aunt's sitting around a table. 

"When is baby number two coming?"

I answer politely, "We want to wait until Ezra is older."

Steven's uncle assures me his sister, Ezra's abuelita, would like one sooner. 

I make some joke about there being too much demand & too little supply, mostly to lighten the conversation I've had to bear repeatedly.

And then, I got home tonight to see a message in my Facebook inbox from an uncle. It went something like this:

U: "Ok, tell the truth, are you pregnant?"
M: "What? No!"
U: "By the way, I said that because your posting maternity things on Pinterest."
M: "I just thought this maternity shoot was pretty."
U: "Oh darn. Well, Ezra wants a sibling."

I had no idea, considering he can't talk yet. 

In grade school & college, I remember having to answer how school was going a thousand times. It was just the natural question to ask a grade school kid. 

Then, you graduate. But, the questions don't stop, they just change, "Have you met anyone?," followed by, "When are you getting married?," followed by, "When are you having a baby?"

So, you get the degree, the guy, & then the kid, maybe even just because they drove you mad with their questioning, and then you relax, knowing you've answered all their questions; you're free to bask in your own privacy for once.

And, at first, the smell of newborn & look of pure, sleepless exhaustion on your face, wards them off. They are happy just to say hello, and ask you other, oddly more annoying, but much less personal questions, like, "is your baby sleeping through the night, yet?"

Do the bags under my eyes lie? No, but thank you for asking. 

Right around the time your kid starts to roll over, because rolling over constitutes a great deal of maturity in a child, they start asking, "When are you going to have another one?"

Excuse me.


I came home tonight to a house ransacked by a fifteen month old hurricane. It was at least a level 5 on the richter scale, toilet paper strewn all over the floor, coconut oil smeared into the couch, toys spread through the house...and plenty more catastrophes I have to clean up in the am.

I'm exhausted from a week's worth of crappy sleep & changing wet diapers and sheets in the middle of the night. I can't imagine tackling the day with two minions- it's crazy enough, for now, with one.

And then there's the snuggling. I snuggle my child often. I have it on good authority, from his behavior, that he enjoys our one on one time just as much as me. I'm almost sure of it- he isn't hurting for a sibling any time soon.

And so, I wish they wouldn't ask me. We are happy & content. I'm learning to tackle the world of toddler hood one tantrum & snuggle session a time. And I love being unpregnant- there is plenty of things I want to do & experience- need no other child apply for tenancy any time soon.

But yet, I know they'll keep asking. Funny thing is, I do the same to them, too. It's only natural.

Maybe we could all learn to ask less "surfacy" questions & probe a little deeper?

It's so easy to ask the simple, common questions but, I know from experience, they get old fast.

Real fast.