Monday, February 3, 2014

When are you having a (nother) Baby?: Oddly Annoying Questions We Can't Help Asking

Tonight, while celebrating my father-in-law's 60th birthday, my husband's childhood friend leaned over to me and asked, "So, tell me, are you getting the infamous question all the time?"

I look at him & laugh- I know where he's going with this...

"Everyone asks us when we are having number two," he says, watching his 2.5 year old scamper off to play. 

No sooner had we started the conversation of baby number two, then I heard my name called out by Steven's uncle's & aunt's sitting around a table. 

"When is baby number two coming?"

I answer politely, "We want to wait until Ezra is older."

Steven's uncle assures me his sister, Ezra's abuelita, would like one sooner. 

I make some joke about there being too much demand & too little supply, mostly to lighten the conversation I've had to bear repeatedly.

And then, I got home tonight to see a message in my Facebook inbox from an uncle. It went something like this:

U: "Ok, tell the truth, are you pregnant?"
M: "What? No!"
U: "By the way, I said that because your posting maternity things on Pinterest."
M: "I just thought this maternity shoot was pretty."
U: "Oh darn. Well, Ezra wants a sibling."

I had no idea, considering he can't talk yet. 

In grade school & college, I remember having to answer how school was going a thousand times. It was just the natural question to ask a grade school kid. 

Then, you graduate. But, the questions don't stop, they just change, "Have you met anyone?," followed by, "When are you getting married?," followed by, "When are you having a baby?"

So, you get the degree, the guy, & then the kid, maybe even just because they drove you mad with their questioning, and then you relax, knowing you've answered all their questions; you're free to bask in your own privacy for once.

And, at first, the smell of newborn & look of pure, sleepless exhaustion on your face, wards them off. They are happy just to say hello, and ask you other, oddly more annoying, but much less personal questions, like, "is your baby sleeping through the night, yet?"

Do the bags under my eyes lie? No, but thank you for asking. 

Right around the time your kid starts to roll over, because rolling over constitutes a great deal of maturity in a child, they start asking, "When are you going to have another one?"

Excuse me.


I came home tonight to a house ransacked by a fifteen month old hurricane. It was at least a level 5 on the richter scale, toilet paper strewn all over the floor, coconut oil smeared into the couch, toys spread through the house...and plenty more catastrophes I have to clean up in the am.

I'm exhausted from a week's worth of crappy sleep & changing wet diapers and sheets in the middle of the night. I can't imagine tackling the day with two minions- it's crazy enough, for now, with one.

And then there's the snuggling. I snuggle my child often. I have it on good authority, from his behavior, that he enjoys our one on one time just as much as me. I'm almost sure of it- he isn't hurting for a sibling any time soon.

And so, I wish they wouldn't ask me. We are happy & content. I'm learning to tackle the world of toddler hood one tantrum & snuggle session a time. And I love being unpregnant- there is plenty of things I want to do & experience- need no other child apply for tenancy any time soon.

But yet, I know they'll keep asking. Funny thing is, I do the same to them, too. It's only natural.

Maybe we could all learn to ask less "surfacy" questions & probe a little deeper?

It's so easy to ask the simple, common questions but, I know from experience, they get old fast.

Real fast. 

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