Saturday, October 26, 2013

Dear Ezra,




Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, you'll be one years old. There's a cliche saying all adults, who have ever been parents, say to you when they see you carrying a baby. They smile nostalgically and say, "it goes by so fast," because they are remembering when their own were that little...long, long ago.

Ezra, I've already started saying that phrase to parents with newborns because I can hardly remember a time you didn't crawl around and make burping noises (on purpose) and wave goodbye.

Leah Hope Photography. 

It went by so fast.

 On the eve of your first birthday, I want to tell you how important you are to me, how you've changed my life for the better.

I never thought I was a "baby person" and I always half-truthfully joked with my mom & sister that they could raise my babies until they were two and then I'd take them.

I can handle terrible two's. But babies...

And then you were born. I remember the second night of your fragile existence the nurse came out to tell me you were crying and you needed me.

You needed ME. I pulled up a rocking chair and hugged you close to me. Your little face and hands and that sweet feathered hair imprinted into my heart. I never wanted to be apart from you again.

You needed me as much as I needed you.

And now I know why "they" say you never know until you actually have one.

Sometimes, I admit, I imagine a time when you won't need me as much and it's painful because I feel I'll always need you.


There is nothing in the world like snuggling you and watching you fall asleep in my arms, or the expression on your face when our eyes lock from across the room and you smile that big, teethy smile of yours.

But it's ok you won't always need me because it will be a delight to watch you grow into a man & one day you'll maybe even have to take care of me (what a strange thought!)

There's only one very important thing I must tell you on this birthday eve. It's the deepest desire I have for your existence.

A few days ago, I heard a son talk about his father. His father was unwell for awhile & ended his own life- the son said his father didn't know how much he was loved.

I teared up immediately because I thought of you. I thought of all the people in your life that will hurt your feelings. Maybe tease you. Call you mean names. Break your heart. Shut down your ideas. Tell you you can't. 

And I thought of all the times you will fail at something. Feel disappointed. Embarrassed. Hurt.

That's life, Ezra. It's a blessing to be alive but it's also, at times, hard. Very hard.

In those times, when it gets hard, I hope you never, ever, ever forget how deeply you are loved.


You are loved by God. By mommy & daddy. By your family. By your grandparents. Your aunts and uncles. And by people you haven't even met yet. 

Even if you never accomplish anything in your life but that you love others, and yourself, I will be so proud to call you my son.

Tomorrow is your birthday & I already couldn't be more proud that you are my son.

I love you. But you already know that...

And I hope you always will.

Love You Forever,

Your Mom



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2 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Krisann! I was waiting to read in the list that he is also loved by all the little girls at his mom's Mommies Group. I guess it was implied.

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  2. I love your blogs :)
    - Jessica Goode

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