Monday, September 2, 2013

Marriage vs. Baby: Round 1

last night was the first time my ten month old and i were separated for a full night. i only caved once and went to visit and snuggle him around eleven pm for just a tiny bit. it's my husband and i's third wedding anniversary, so he was convinced we needed some time to ourselves.

the hard truth is that i fell hard for another guy this year. he may only have four teeth and stand a whopping 29 inches, but he's become my main squeeze

truth is, with all my efforts to love the new guy in my life, i've put my old guy second.

who couldn't love this guy? i mean, look at him. precious.

in a facebook mom discussion forum i belong to, one of the mom's recently opened up about her marriage post baby. she admitted it was more difficult now to connect with her husband because all of the things they used to do to bond together (hiking, mountain climbing, etc) aren't really "baby friendly" and they are growing distant. her willingness to open up about something so personal brought about over thirty comments from other moms, most confessing they love their little one with an unconditional love they can't seem to muster for their husband, too.

wow. apparently this is one of those unspoken issues that most women seem to have but don't want to, or don't know how to, talk about- we get so good at nurturing our little ones that we ignore our partners.

i am guilty of this. i have forgotten our partnership and, most importantly, our friendship, in the pursuit of motherhood. in many aspects, this transition into parenthood has been more beautiful & natural than i expected it to be.

mothering has come to me like second nature (thank goodness!) where being a wife has always taken work. relationships are not easy- there's no proven formula to success because every person is different and responds to love/life differently.

while it's easy to dote on a helpless baby who straight up needs you, it can be much harder to then turn around and devote that same amount of energy & affection to someone who's life doesn't exactly depend on whether or not you pay attention to them.

from experience, i know i have turned my husband into the "bad guy" often enough with a "we vs, him" mentality. instead of seeing him as my partner, he becomes the odd man out as i focus on the little one.

women, our men ain't perfect (I know, news flash!) and there are plenty of things they could work on too, but we do have to learn to treat our husbands as our friends again, our partner, our teammate.

we are in this whole parenting thing together- we share equal responsibility. yes, it's more natural to unconditionally love the little guy, but love is a choice and  i'll be damned if i don't learn to choose my husband, even if it kills me. 

true love to me isn't about meeting Prince Charming and swooning over his pompadoured hair & sugary one liners. it's about loving the guy i chose. it's about never forgetting to laugh at his jokes and going along with him through the Burger King drive through when he wants a crown. 

it's about committing to be his friend, and showing him grace, because, i admit, i'm far from perfect, too. 

it's two days from our third wedding anniversary & i can admit i have never tried to tackle a beast quite like marriage. it's going to take my whole life (sorry, Steven) to get this marriage thing down but, in the meantime, i am going to start by going on a few more date nights.

for some great marriage pointers, check out my friend Aubrey's blog, parenting the pipsqueak. 

I wish all you married folk the best. 

1 comment:

  1. "being a wife has always taken work." Amen! I've felt this way but never been able to put it into words.